Whelmed

I heard it say once that you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but is it possible to be just plain whelmed?

Lately I feel like I'm living in a constant state of whelmed. Things keep flying at me, and for the most part I can take it as it comes. Helping two kids process the grief of leaving the lives they have known and adjusting to our new family takes the stuff out of you. Realizing that although they are wonderful  children, they still have a long road ahead to healing and healthy functioning, is a big chunk to swallow.

We have had major meltdowns by now. The honeymoon stage of this adoption is definitely over. I read in an adoption magazine that keys for adoptive moms to not burn out are first, to make sure you are getting enough rest. And second, to take time to continue bonding with the kids. Like many moms, I sometimes feel it is impossible to get enough rest. And the bonding thing can be challenging with a kid whose emotions are all over the place.

I'm grateful that the grief process has taught me what it feels like to be in the middle of heart wrenching sorrow. It has at least given me some perspective so I can sympathize with where the kids are at. It would certainly be challenging to adopt children without going through a loss like ours.

A Mother's Day Gift

This year my Mother's Day weekend was spent doing all the things I have dreamed of doing with my kids. Making crafts for the grandmothers in our world, drawing with chalk on the sidewalk, reading stories before bedtime.

It wasn't the most idyllic Mother's Day. My hubby, who is usually a very thoughtful guy, was so completely absorbed in the joy of having our children in our home over the weekend that he kind of forgot all about the day. And I don't mind, because I so love seeing him provoke them to shrieks of laughter that we forget about everything else.

I thought a little bit about my Liza Jane, the sweet girl who first made me a mommy. I still love her deeply, and she will be precious to me always. And I love each of the new children who are joining our family with their unique and special personalities.

After losing a child, the only gift I have wanted for Mother's Day was to be a mother. Actively, with children in my home. And I'm so thankful that I received that gift this year.

Mother's Day is a day for honoring mothers. Really, though, there is no gift that can possibly represent the sacrifice a mother makes for her children. Even so, I'm glad we have the day to pause, remember, and celebrate the mothers in our lives. Whether they are with us here on this earth, or lovingly treasured in our memory, mothers are the best gift of Mother's Day.

Life Changes

I'm officially on leave from work as we open our home to our future adoptive children. While I can't share online about them at this time, I have been reflecting on the changes life brings us.

Change is an adjustment, whether it is a positive or negative change. With change comes uncertainty. It's hard to live with uncertainty. I'm a planner, and I like to know what will happen next.

The Serenity Prayer has been a constant theme in my heart and mind as I walk through the waters of change.

God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

The "Courage to change the things I can" piece of this comes easily for me. I know how to take action and make stuff happen. What's harder for me is the "Serenity to accept the things I cannot change." Often I get confused and think I need to be changing things, which are really not within my sphere of influence.

So I'm learning how to live in acceptance. It's freeing to accept the things I cannot change. And this makes it a little bit easier to let go.

Due to the life change we're walking through, I may not be blogging as much as usual for a short while. But I'll get online as often as possible to continue to mull over the blessings and challenges of this thing called life. Thanks for reading along with me.