As we went around the room and gave introductions, those who had children shared about them as a central part of their lives, as they should be. I was sitting there thinking and wondering if I was the only one in the room who wished they could say the same, but could not.
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| Our baby girl gave us her first and only hint of a smile on the way to her heart catheter procedure, which would be the first in a domino series of events that would ultimately end her life. |
Whether due to infertility, miscarriages, a child being stillborn, losing a child later in life, or simply not finding the right partner, I am realizing there are more of us out there than meets the eye. This is because we often don't talk about the loss, the missing piece, the disappointment. Even Facebook is a microcosm of this issue: many people seem to post about the highlights in life and bury the low points.
As I walked back to our training room from lunch one day, I heard one classmate talking to another about their plans for the holiday week. The first woman said to the other that her 14-year-old son had been adopted via an open adoption process, so he was visiting with his birth family for a few days. Looking at this woman, I never would have guessed that for whatever reason, she ended up adopting her son. Admittedly, I am making a giant assumption that this woman chose adoption because biological conception was not an option -- but given the cost of adoption, allow me this luxury for the sake of argument.
I think it is easy to assume we are the only ones who have struggled with some loss. It helps, though, to know that we are not alone. There are often others who are walking similar roads, and they are closer than we may think.
When we have enough courage to open up about our challenges, the results may surprise us. For me, at least, it has resulted in feeling less alone on the path of life. And feeling less alone is worth the risk.
2 comments:
Hi Amanda!
Thanks for your blog. You are insightful! While I’ve never lost a child and don’t know what that grief is like and what it’s like to approach/live life with that experience, I can identify in part with those moments where one wishes they could share about their children and can’t. In fact, I just had it happen today at work. I walked away thinking about the conversation and wishing I could have said…my children are in X grade now…etc. Those types of introductions you described are tough, and occur in many situations beyond work. Every time they happen I feel like I’m “on the outside, looking in”…peering into a window, looking at a life everyone else has, and I have yet to walk through the door to the other side of the window. But you’re right, what others have gone through or are going through isn’t always apparent and we may identify with them more than we realize.
Hi Heidi, thank you so much for sharing your experience. :)
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