We took a beautiful journey by catamaran (white boat in the distance) to the coast of Anguilla. Other than this one snapshot, I did not get my camera out at all. It was a "soak it all in" kind of day.
The beach is one of the most relaxing places on earth to me. When I'm stressed out, I do deep breathing and picture my breath flowing in and out of my belly like the waves of the ocean.
Every time I fly somewhere, I get a little bit afraid when I think about that plane being suspended in the air. I notice that I send more brief, staccato prayers up for safety during that time than I normally would.
It made me think about trusting in the Lord. Since my daughter died, I've had a difficult time trusting him like I used to. My faith was more simpistic before, and now it is complicated. Seeing your own child go through a difficult illness and then succumb to it has a way of making you question things.
Being on that flight, though, made me realize that I trust God all the time. On a moment by moment basis, I trust him to sustain my breath and to keep the fragile muscle of my heart beating in my chest.
We really are just dust, as the Psalmist says. And God knows. He understands. On the journey of grief, it is good to have moments of realizing that our lives are still safely held in his hands.
So, don't get me wrong - I still have some serious questions about belief that are not worked out yet. But for the moment, I am thankful for a respite of peace, a moment of trust.
No comments:
Post a Comment