After losing Liza, one of the things I struggled with was the feeling that all the meaning had drained out of my life. This is a common feeling for parents who have lost a child, or so they tell me. But during the first year or so, I really struggled on many days to think of a good reason to keep going.
My stomach hurts a little bit just writing this, because I remember the intensity of the void that was left when she was gone. I physically felt the grief in my core as I groped blindly for a way to move ahead. Sometimes this feeling comes back even now, almost two years after her death, but it is less painful now. Time and working through the grief process does ease the sharp edges after a while.
Where was I going with this? Ahh yes... the struggle to find meaning. The experience with Liza taught both Luke and me to look very, very hard for meaning, at a time when meaning was less than a faint glimmer on the horizon. It taught us that we can carve meaning out of the darkness. We can create meaning in our lives, and when we do, it builds layers of richness and memories into this journey.
For me, meaning comes from the small things, many intentional acts that begin to weave a beautiful tapestry. Meaning for me comes from baking things from scratch, using recipes and techniques that have stood the test of time. Meaning comes from doing things to make holidays extra special. Every day we have is so fleeting, the time passes too quickly. I believe in living every day, every moment, to the fullest. My experience with Liza taught me this, as we tried to savor every second that she was breathing and alive.
It is my hope going into this holiday season that I will be able to weave more meaning into the path of my life, and that I will be able to savor the special moments that occur every day along the way. Now it's your turn: What adds meaning to your life?
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